24 Rules That Changed My Life
Philosophies that helped me go from 300 and poor to 175 pounds and a founder.
At 18:
• No real friends.
• ~300 pounds.
• Socially anxious.
• Addicted to video games.
• Thought I'd be poor forever.
• Doing a degree I hated.
At 33:
• Friends around the world.
• 180 pounds.
• Rarely get nervous.
• Addicted to rock climbing.
• 2x founder.
• Happiest I’ve ever been.
Back story
21 years ago, shortly after my 13th birthday, my father died suddenly.
He was born in 1941 in Ireland. He was 62 years old.
He hated doctors. He ate candy, chips, blackened-to-a-crisp meat, never exercised, and drank beer daily.
As a result, he had undiagnosed Type 2 Diabetes and high blood pressure. The doctor said he likely had several small heart attacks before the big one.
That’s not all.
The cherry on top was that he had racked up debt on credit cards my mom had no idea existed.
AND two days before the province instated a law that prevented people from changing their life insurance policy without their spouse’s approval… he changed his life insurance policy to void if he died below 65.
At the time, my mom earned 29,000 CAD per year. She was left with debt she didn’t know about. Funeral costs. And two kids.
And a void life insurance policy.
I still vividly remember the moment where I saw my mom open and read the letter from the life insurance company—weeks after my father’s death. She’s an incredibly strong woman. But in that moment, she had completely broken.
She had hit rock bottom.
She was forced to file for bankruptcy and we were forced firmly below the poverty line.
Its effect on me
Before his death, I was that kid in school that would not stop talking.
My teachers moved me around the class to sit beside people they’d never seen me talk to. Immediately (to my teachers’ annoyance) we’d hit it off and be chatting up a storm in no time.
After his death:
I got really quiet.
I ballooned to nearly 300 pounds in high school.
I found solace in playing online video games where people couldn’t see me.
I worried about making my mom’s life any harder.
I became stressed about money (and the absence of it).
I didn’t act out or rebel like teenagers do—I didn’t want to make it harder.
I distanced myself from people. I suppressed myself.
By the time I was 18, I had only ever told two people that my dad had died—purely because they specifically asked why I never talked about my dad.
I held everything inside and didn’t let anybody in.
I remained this way until I started to change at 19.
When it all changed
In my second year of university, I had the most intense year of school ever.
It was a bizarre, award-winning program for mechanical engineering. We started with 120 of us, and about 40% failed.
There, I found a community of people that accepted me.
I found a best friend that helped take me to the gym when I was too scared to go by myself at first. And who helped teach me about nutrition.
And I found the first girl I had a crush on. I knew I didn’t have a shot, but it caused me to strive to be better.
During the year I:
Broke out of my shell and made friends.
Completely cut out all sugar and unhealthy foods.
I exercised 3-4 times per week.
And I lost ~100 pounds. Around 2 pounds per week.
It took me many many more years to overcome things like social anxiety, self-worth issues, and an unhealthy relationship with money.
Some of these things I still struggle with these to some degree to this day.
Rules to life
After reading a lot of books (Meditations, How to Win Friends and Influence People, and many others), here are the rules to life I created to help me radically change my life
1. Make things non-negotiable
If you’re trying to achieve a goal, consider it non-negotiable that you:
Do the things that push you toward that goal
Don’t do the things that pull you away from that goal
For example, if you’re trying to lose weight. Make it non-negotiable:
That you miss workouts.
That you eat junk food and desserts.
As soon as you cave once, you’ll cave a lot easier the next time. It’s a slippery slope.
2. You can learn anything
I learned 6 languages to fluency. People's response was always:
"Wow, you must be naturally gifted with languages."
No, I put in a little daily effort for years. I constantly pushed myself.
Consistency compounds.
Believe you can learn it, and work daily to do so.
3. Shoot your shot
A friend sent Hasan Minhaj a cold email with a revamp of his website.
Since they’ve become friends. And Hasan continues to send him leads.
You will never achieve if you never try.
Don't let the idea of failure keep you from succeeding.
Send a message to the person you’d love to meet.
4. Get F*cking Going
Most people talk about doing things. Very few actually do them.
Want to be your own boss? Start consulting or build something.
Want to lose weight? Go to the gym. Just start doing a little bit each day.
There’s never a perfect time.
Or as Justin Welsh puts it:
5. Have a “No Asshole Policy”
No matter how much money they pay you. No matter what benefits you get from them.
An asshole will always drag you down.
Surround yourself with A+ people and you'll have an A+ life.
Find kind, empathetic people who will celebrate your wins.
6. Don’t limit yourself
It pains me when I hear: "I'm not good at math," or "I'm not a creative person."
If you identify as sucking at a thing, you will always suck at it.
We become what we believe ourselves to be.
So identify as someone who can continuously improve and learn anything.
7. Kindness is underrated
Don’t underestimate the power of a small dose of kindness.
People will remember it.
And they’ll definitely remember when you weren’t kind.
Treat people with kindness. And it will come back to you.
8. Be your weird self
If you act how you want, you'll attract people who like YOU.
If you act how you think others want you to act, you'll attract people who like who you're pretending to be.
Be your weird self. If someone doesn’t like it, f*ck ‘em.
Find your community of weirdos.
9. Minimize Rawgrats
Jeff Bezos coined the "Regret Minimization Framework."
Pretend you're looking back at your life at age 80. What would you regret not doing.
He would have regretted not quitting his job to start an online bookstore. So he did.
Do the things you’d regret not doing.
10. Lean into fear
Whenever I encounter something I’m terrified to do:
I force myself to do it immediately.
Some of my best life experiences have been the result of leaning into fear.
Explore your boundaries and push them out further.
11. Be optimistic
If you assume things will go well, they often will.
If you assume things will go poorly, they often will.
Be excited & optimistic for the future.
You'll act differently if you think success is inevitable.
12. Hanlon's razor
"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
I'd change stupidity → carelessness.
A friend didn't invite you to an event?
They're probably juggling 20+ things and forgot to send the invite.
Assume positive intent.
13. Nobody cares
At 21, I was hit by a van while biking to work—28 stitches above my left eye.
I thought the scar was extremely noticeable and hideous.
Yet, no one ever noticed it. They were surprised whenever I pointed it out.
They were too busy worrying about how I was perceiving them.
(Which is called the Spotlight Effect.)
14. Writing is a superpower
Writing helps you learn.
Writing helps you think clearly.
Writing lets you touch more lives than you can fathom.
I started exposing my heart and soul, and all its scars to people through my writing. Each year I’d post a run down of my year. What I was happy about. What I wasn’t happy about and wanted to work on.
It only ever attracted more positivity into my life.
And today, my “meh” posts are seen by more people than I will meet in my entire life.
It’s wild.
15. No one is out to get you
“People aren't against you; they are for themselves”
No one is out to get you.
They’re just trying to make their own lives better.
Unfortunately, sometimes that’s at your expense. Don’t take it personally.
16. People > stuff
I lived out of a 60L bag for 3.5 years.
”Stuff” doesn't matter.
Money only matters for security & optionality. For you & and your family.
What matters most, are the relationships you build with people.
Invest in people by being present, attentive, caring, and interested.
17. Don’t overcommit
When you're ambitious, you want to say yes to everything.
If you do, everything will suffer. Say no to most things.
Lenny Rachitsky once told me:
"I've never regretted anything I've said no to."
I think about that one a lot.
18. Write your story
Don't make decisions based on the emotions and desires of others.
Do what you want to do.
Not what your mom wants.
Not what you think society wants.
What matters is finding what makes you happy and doing it.
19. F*ck yes, or no
“If there’s any doubt, then there’s no doubt.”
Be excited to do what you're doing. Be excited to be with the people in your life.
Unless what's stopping you is fear or a self-limiting belief.
Then work to overcome it.
20. Don’t compare
We see our friends for maybe 1% of their total lives.
For people online, you get a very biased + manipulated snapshot.
You see 100% of your own life. The good and the bad.
Don't compare your journey to others. You don't have the context.
21. You fail when you give up
Trying and not achieving your goal is NOT a failure. It's learning.
You fail when you stop trying.
Most businesses fail. Often because the founders gave up.
They could have pivoted. Learned new skills. Gone lean.
Instead, they chose to fail.
22. Learn how people work
It sucks knowing your entire behavior is explained by psychology.
We all get overly confident when we just start learning something.
We’re all irrationally scared in Recessions and frenzied in booms.
Study psychology to learn how you and everyone around you works.
Then leverage it to your advantage.
23. You're the product of:
Habits
Social circle/community
Genes
Past
You can control #1 and #2. You can work to overcome your past.
Control what you can control. Accept what you cannot.
Check out Atomic Habits from James Clear to shape your habits.
24. We're all clueless.
Fumbling around in the dark trying to get somewhere.
Some of us are just really good at pretending that we’re not.
No one has it “figured out,” so don’t wait until you have.
25. Be vulnerable
I used to be a firmly closed book.
But the more open and vulnerable I am with people, the more I get back.
Show people your scars. They’ll respect and love you for it.
And they’ll probably show you their scars without you needing to ask.
Conclusion
These are some of the guiding philosophies that I’ve developed that have helped me radically change my life.
Would love to hear some of yours either in the comments or in a reply!
Thanks for reading!
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– Neal
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